


Archaeology wives

by Floptopus



Category: Bernice Summerfield (Big Finish Audio), Doctor Who & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/F, Rated T for language and alcohol, The language isn't actually that bad, crack and fluff, just basic Benny fare, this is a pure fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-04 22:43:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15850923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Floptopus/pseuds/Floptopus
Summary: My take on how Benny and River would probably end up meeting. Basically, it involves alcohol and bad decisions like everything else in their lives.





	Archaeology wives

Professor River Song opened her eyes and whimpered. She could feel both of her hearts pounding in her head, and the dim light in the room felt blinding. Groggily, she tried to kick her brain into gear in order to work out what had happened last night.

She appeared to be lying in bed in a hotel room. She felt arms around her waist and steady breath against the back of her neck. So, she was in bed with someone else. She remembered the discovery, the celebratory drink, and then...

Ah, yes. The guest archaeologist had suggested they go out on the town together. She remembered going to the first bar, discovering they had a great deal in common, and then... then she'd got started on the ginger beer. The other archaeologist had laughed at that, but she couldn't remember much after the first bottle.

She was pulled from her memories by a groan from behind her. Slowly, so as not to further agitate her head, she shifted over to face her mystery bedfellow. Lunar University's prestigious guest, an attractive, dark-haired woman, stared back at her, blinking sleepily. "What happened?" she asked.

"I don't really remember," River replied. "After the ginger beer, everything's a blur."

The woman (What was her name? River couldn't remember) grinned. "Ginger beer. What was up with that?"

"Ginger's like strong alcohol for me. As I understand, it's a Time Lord thing."

Her face deflated, and she groaned again. "Oh, bugger." She looked at River imploringly. "You don't know _him_ , do you?"

"Don't play the pronoun game with me, sweetie." River grinned her best shit-eating grin and rolled out of bed. "But, assuming you mean who I think you do, yes. He's my husband."

She sat up, suddenly alert. "No. No way. You're serious?"

River opened the bedside table draw and pulled out a wallet. She tossed it to the woman, who opened it up and began to study the eleven pictures that fell out. "Which one's yours?" River asked her.

As she was closing the draw, however, something caught her attention. A sheet of paper, covered in elegant calligraphy, and a pair of rings that she didn't recognise sat in the draw. She pulled the paper out and stared at it. "Never mind him," she told the woman, "I've got news for you." She passed the woman the paper.

~~~~~

_** CERTIFICATE OF MARRIAGE  ** _

_This certifies the marriage of_  
**Professor Bernice Summerfield**  
and  
**Professor River Song**  
As having taken place on 42/15/2056 at Segana Town Hall  
Signed: P. Dramar,  
Registrar 

~~~~~

The woman - Bernice - laughed. "Oh, this is just bloody perfect. I'm married to the Doctor's wife. I am officially," she laughed again, an edge of hysteria to her voice. "I am officially related to Irving Braxiatel. Oh, this is just brilliant."

River sat back down on the bed and picked up the abandoned wallet. "What do you think of my one?" She asked Benny, trying to calm her down.

Benny looked at the picture she was pointing to. "I think," she said, sounding slightly calmer, "that you're a dirty old cradle-snatcher. 

River raised an eyebrow. "Me? Sweetie, that man is ten times my age, if he's to be believed. Incidentally, I don't believe him. He's at least twice as old as he claims to be."

Benny chuckled. "That one's mine." She pointed to the older, hat-wearing Doctor. "But I've also met that one." She pointed to the image below, of a long-haired Byronic gentlemen."

"Ooh, I've met him too," River said. "Isn't he _delicious_? Causality be damned, if I ever meet him again I'm _so_ going to-"

Benny coughed. "The marriage," she reminded her.

"I think," she looked between then, "it might just be too late to get an annulment."

"And, ugh, divorces are so bloody expensive. Believe me, I know."

River smiled warmly. "Well then, second wife-"

" _Second_ wife?"

"I'm making allowances for regeneration." She stood up, opened the draw and took out the rings. After putting one on herself, she got down on one knee and offered the other dramatically. 

"Second wife, sweetie, shall we go on an expedition together?"


End file.
